remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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