And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Randomize