Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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