No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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