Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
