i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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