So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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