PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Are we still banned from the library?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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