planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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