The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
