If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
