Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize