we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
