i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
