I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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