Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
