So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
