i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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