There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Dignity is for republicans.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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