She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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