i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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