i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
