i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
