:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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