I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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