I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Randomize
