i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
