she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
