is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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