We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
