1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I would fuck him just for his dog
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