I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize