Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
