Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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