I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Randomize
