if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
