A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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