you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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