Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Randomize
