glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
