Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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