Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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