As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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