this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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