I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
