I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
