if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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