He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
