Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
