Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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