I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
