yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
