no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize