Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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