she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
