I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
