the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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