If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
