He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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