Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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