I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
