My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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