Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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