i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
