haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
