You can't motorboat a personality
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
