My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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