So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
