Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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