Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
When are your genitals available?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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