Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
