sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
