Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
