you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
