I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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