So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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