I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
