I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
