her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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