oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
