im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
