My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
