It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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