You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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